Weird Animals In Songs

An issue that has been bothersome for aeons. Many a <your choice of language goes here> film song involves the cunning use of some animal imagery/metaphor type thingies, for effect. Unfortunately, they don't work very well for all people. Yours truly, for example, has been trying to compile a list of well-meaning songs which have fauna references, that completely kill it (song, not fauna). Two contenders have emerged for the numero uno spot:

• O hansinii - Doesn't anyone else find this song mildly disturbing? Do you really want the woman of your dreams to have a moderate wingspan, a sophisticated thermal regulation system, down ("Down down down!"), gajraa, kajraa, mujra and other such accoutrements? Take a minute, close your eyes, and try to visualize what this epitome of pulchritude looks like. Go and read some biology to find out what your average anthropomorhic type hansaa is capable of. Please stop writing songs like this?
  
  
• Hawaa mein udtaa jaaye, mera lal dupatta mal-mal ka - If you do not understand Telugu, you will not get this one. So move on, and go back to whatever pointless thing you were doing before¹. The kicker here is the udtaa. udtaa (something close, anyway), in Telugu, means squirrel. Coochiecoo. Commit this salient nugget of natural history and vocabulary to your undoubtedly capacious vaults of memory, and now think of the song once again. Hawaa mein udtaa jaaye...? Wotitis, airborne "Chip 'n Dale"?
  
  When the song plays, the image that comes to mind is not some red dupatta billowing in the winds, but rodent (1 nos.), mit mucho mucho i-can't-tell-you-how-mucho perplexed expression, locomoting sedately at cruising altitude of about oh 30 feet or so ², windspeed 20 knots, sou' sou' westerly zephyr. Very strange, I know. But there it is. Of course, since squirrels can't fly, sooner or later, our perplexed furry friend will umm...rendezvous with terra firma, with what has been described in certain quarters as "a hideous plop".

Sorry, to foist these images on unsuspecting public, but hum apne dukh hameshaa mil baantke yada yadaa hi dharmasyah....

Public is invited to add to lists.

THIS JUST IN

• Telephone dhun main something waali - A person of superior quality, tender years, and human-eating proclivities reminds us of the reference to "Melbourne machli machalne waali" in said song. So now the damsel is like a fish? Not only an ordinary fish, but a machal-ing fish. Sounds like fish out of water. " 'O you Beauty, who are asphyxiating in a lively manner on the strand...', said the hero." Thanks, you person of superior quality, tender years, and human-eating proclivity.

THIS ALSO JUST IN (19 May 2007)

• Le Meghalomaniac has come up with a rather unsuspected interpretation on young green dogs!

<sub>1. You must have been doing something completely pointless before, right? This post itself is monumentally pointless, so one assumes that since you're reading this, the alternatives were positively Taj Mahalish in their pointlessness.
2. Observations from recent flights taken: Why does the pilot insist on telling you the outside temperature when you're at 30,000 feet? "Ladeej and jantalmains, we are cruising at our assigned altitutde of 29,276 feet. The outside temperature is zero degrees kelvin, but for your comfort and convenience the cabin temperature is set to IDontCareHowMuchAsLongAsImNotFreezingToDeath degrees." Really haven't fathomed this one yet. Do they think they're doing us a favour by letting us live through the flight? So many conundrums in the world, so little time...</sub>